Tips For Dealing With Working-Mom Guilt

  

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, I was a stay-at-home mom, and I loved every second of it. Granted, there were days when I longed for grown up conversation and badly the baby babel made me more than a little crazy, but I treasured the time I got to spend with them. Fast forward to 2014 when my youngest started Preschool. Money was tight. I had to reenter the workforce, much to my displeasure. 

It took me a while, but one day I did the math. I'd pick my kids up from aftercare at 6:00. When 8:00 rolled around, it was time for bed. Two hours. I had two hours with my kids to check to their homework, cook their dinner, get them bathed (ever tried to convince and 11-year-old boy he has to take a shower? It takes some finesse.), and tuck them in. 

Two. Hours. 

I can't begin to tell you how upset that made me. Inside my head, my kids were forgetting all the years we spent having so much fun together and replacing those memories with ones of a crazed mom rushing around to get everything done. Guilt and shame made me so sick to my stomach I couldn't sleep. My kids are supposed to be my priority, and at some point, they had been shoved onto the back burner.  I felt like a failure as a mother. 

As depressing as this realization was, it really threw it all into perspective. I became determined to make those two hours count. Big changes were made in the Bernsen household, and I hope they help you if you're struggling with that working mom guilt as much as I was. 

MAKE DINNER PREP A FAMILY AFFAIR

This might not work for everyone. My sister, for example, is a neat-freak and won't allow even her husband in the kitchen. To me, messes make memories, so I don't mind them in the least. I started involving my children in making dinner. They both appreciate the work that goes into dinner much more now. Not only are we spending quality (device free) time together, but they're learning essential life skills. Plus, it gives me an opportunity to pass along my secret recipes.  

THAT GOES FOR CLEAN UP TOO 

 How much work you can delegate to your children depends on how old they are, however unless they're infants they can help in some way. Even if it's just putting the silverware in the dishwasher. You're spending time together, working together, and (in theory) the dirty work will get done faster so you can move on to the fun stuff. This will help you and teach them the value of teamwork. It's a win-win. 

PUT THE PHONE DOWN 

Yes, seriously. Put it down. Facebook can wait. Emails can wait. Heck, this blog post can wait. You'll have plenty of time to devote to those things once the babes are adults, but for now, take that thing in the bedroom and lock it in your night stand if you have to. Take those few precious hours you get with your kids at the end of the day and focus on developing your relationship with them. 

AS FOR HOMEWORK 

I can't speak for your child's school, but a big part of my kids' homework each night is reading. Typically, they have a set of books they can choose from. These may be on reading-level, but sweet baby Jesus, they're boring. It's like pulling teeth to get them to sit down and read. I know there's a few friends of mine that are teachers that will have my head for this, but I stopped forcing books they aren't interested in on them. They still read, don't get me wrong, but they do it on their terms. They pick the books, and if they choose something they have a difficult time with we read it together. It gets the job done without the hassle. 

IF IT CAN WAIT LET IT WAIT 

Saturday and Sunday are my cleaning days now. Yes, I pick up here and there, but the toilets aren't going to dissolve if they don't get scrubbed on Tuesday. It takes some getting used to, especially if you're accustomed to a spotless house. but you'll be amazed at how much extra time you have at the end of the day. It's worth it, believe me. 

AND NOW FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE TASK 

  

Breathe. Let go of your expectations of perfection. You're doing a great job. Your kids love you, they know you love them, and that's what counts. The more you stress, the more time you're spending stressing instead of holding those beautiful babies.  

You. Are. Enough. 

I hope some of these tips help you, because despite what your mind has convinced you of, you have nothing to feel guilty about! You're working hard to make a great life for your family, contributing to the bills and setting a wonderful example for the little eyes watching you. Remember to take a moment each night to reflect on everything you did right and forget all about those little mistakes you made. At the end of it all, you're their world and they need to see you content. 

Do you have any tips for working moms? I'd love your input!